I have about a hundred of reasons (some may call them excuses) as to why I will not partake in such foolery, some of which are legit and others are simply excuses. Some of my favorites are: Cuz I don't want to; My wife won't let me; I'm too lazy; It's not healthy to put your body through that; and I'm not keen on peeing on myself for an entire day. The most legitimate excuse however, is simply "it's a long ass day, and I don't want to do it."
To prove my point, I decided to log everything I did in a day/night, as the rest of the Friends partook in their group foolery; Ironman Cozumel. Here is how it went.
- 6:40 a.m. ish - Gun starts going off for for pro field as I am sure the age groupers are finishing up their final colon-cleansing of the morning. I remain fast asleep dreaming of apple pie and left-over turkey.
- 7:00 a.m. ish - Gun starts going off for various waves of age groupers. I roll over and shush my alarm clock instead of dragging myself out of bed to get my run out of the way. Roll back over and enjoy the comfort of my warm awesome bed even though the fat dog is snoring in my ear. Sleep is grand.
- 7:30 ish to 8:20ish - Most of the crew exits the water from the swim. I hear the water is super perty over there. I however, am still enjoying a wonderful siesta as I listen to the wind howl outside. It is a good thing I slept in instead of getting my run on. It is cold out there.
- 8:30 a.m. - Wake up have a delicious breakfast of eggs and granola and fix a cup of coffee. Yup, the wind is howling, it is cold, boogers froze as I let the dog out.
- 8:45 a.m. - Log on and check where everyone is at. Everyone is safely on the bike. Watch a wonderful episode of Jake and the Neverland Pirates in the background as The Wife and Oldest heads out the door for hockey practice.
- 9:30 a.m.ish - Friends are still pedaling. Change a poopy diaper. Research races for next year inspired by my Ironman dominating friends. (NO it will not involve a full - gonna do a few Half's though). Come up with unrealistic goal to put on the Bicycle Betterment Bunker wall for the winter.
- 11:00 a.m. ish - Friends are finishing their first loop on the bike (only 2 more to go) while Sunday NFL Countdown explains the finer aspects of the Lambeau Leap.
- 11:15 a.m. - Friends still pedaling and probably peeing on themselves by now. Finish catching fat dog that thought he should run off into the frozen tundra after going potty and resume game of rescuing airplanes from the knee hockey net with The Youngest.
- NOON - The Wife and Oldest are back from hockey practice. Gather everyone up to head out to watch the new Penguins movie with The In-laws. Pro pal has finished her second lap and most of the Friends are fixing to finish their second laps here any time now.
- 12:45 p.m. - Dropped $70ish at the damn movie theater. WTH!?? maybe I should do an Ironman. Breaking the rules and still following the Friends during the movie. The fellahs in the group have finished their second lap.
- 2:45 p.m. - Movie done, "medium" coke and kettle corn polished off. The stronger bikers out of the Friends are now starting the marathon. Seriously, a marathon after doing all of that.
- 3:15 p.m. - Friends finishing up bike or on the marathon already. Check fantasy football scores after early games (not looking good) get ready to run in the damn cold.
- 4:30 p.m. - Finish run in 15 degree weather with windchill of friggin arctic! Sucked icicles! Almost became envious of those doing a marathon in Cozumel until I realized they were going 3 times as far as I was AFTER swimming 2.4 miles and riding 112. I'll take pneumonia instead. Quick gear review - Under Armour's new Coldgear Infrared Engaged gloves are insufficient for midwest winter running - hands froze. Everyone is chugging along on the marathon.
- 4:40 p.m. - Hands finally thawed out enough to type ... half the Friends have passed the 21K marathon time check mark. Is that halfway or what is that anyway? Can't convert K's to miles. Yet another excuse not to do one of these things.
- 5:00 p.m. - Core body temp finally returning to normal, smashing a huge plate of turkey and sweet potato sinfulness while watching the end of the Packers vs. Patriots game. Friends still chugging along.
- 5:40 p.m. ish - Pro pal finishes 13th in the women's pro field. Solid day, think I will have a piece of pie to celebrate.
- 6:20 p.m. - Sore gut from eating too much turkey after running. How in the heck do they eat and run a marathon. Nope, couldn't do it. Trying frantically to find the finish line cam cuz a couple of buddies are crushing their PR's and are about to finish.
- 6:38 p.m. - Rolling out my sore legs from my measly hour, sub-zero run as the first Friend finished with a huge PR. Don't think there was a finish cam and if there was I didn't find it. Pretty damn inspiring though, must admit.
- 6:50 p.m. - Watched a back-to-reality, put-life-into-perspective, 60 Minutes segment on the Syrian war and the refugees it is affecting - Second Friend finished at the end of that segment. Solid day for him.
- 7:10 p.m. ish - got comfy watching TV lounging in my recliner, got up and checked Friends' progress, realized that The Brit finished. Crushed his PR.
- 7:35 p.m. ish - Fourth Friend finishes as I'm watching the night game - Chiefs v. Broncos. Just 2 more to go on the course.
- 9:00 p.m. ish - Fifth friend finished somewhere in between here and last post. Tough day for him but most admirable honestly. Sucked it up, pushed through and finished like a boss! Maybe I should go for another run. Nope, its cold outside, but I'll have some ice cream.
- 9:50 p.m. - It's past my bedtime and the last Friend is still on the course. She will finish no doubt, but I have to go to bed if I'm going to get up and get my workout done in the morning.
- 6:30 a.m. Next Day - Slept in, failed to get up for workout. Fail! Checked social media to see pictures and posts of Friends that rocked it. Everyone pushed through and finished and had awesome stuff to brag about. Super inspired and happy for them. Still not doing it.
